Do’s and Don’ts of Valentine’s Day 2011

(photo by devanndesousa)



Breaking Up Over Text Message

“Isn’t it totally cowardly to break up with someone in a letter?” YES, it is.

It might be the twenty-first century, the age of electronic communication, but email and text are no substitute for discussions that deserve a face-to-face. Here’s a few tips on how to respond if someone tries to break up with you via electronic device.

  1. Text them back “no” and see how they respond.
  2. Don’t respond and pretend you never got the text message. Act like nothing is wrong and give them a big hug next time you see them. Make sure to look deep in their eyes and tell them how much you love them.
  3. Take a screen shot of the message, post it to Facebook and tag them. You don’t want to be the crazy ex though, so make the photo private, so only the two of you can see it. They probably won’t notice that you made it private and will think that everyone can see it, so this is a good option to give them a good scare! Great way to “get back” at them for being a douche.
  4. Send them back a text that says “can we meet up for makeup sex one last time?” Make a plan to meet up, then don’t show up and post pictures of yourself on Facebook on a date with someone else.
  5. Text back “but, I’m pregnant.” Just for kicks. Obviously you’re not pregnant, but this will freak them out a little bit and give you some time to let them squirm uncomfortably. Don’t let this carry on too long… it’s not nice, send them a follow up text that says “jk!” Just leave it at that and move on.
REMEMBER: You’re giving them a hard time for breaking up with you over text message/email, not for breaking up with you. You deserve to be with someone who likes you just the way you are, even when you fart in your sleep, so don’t forget to move on gracefully after you get your revenge and spend your time finding your perfect mate! Have fun out there.
-Team onenightfriendfree

If You’re Going to Cheat, Don’t Get Caught (like Ashton Kutcher)

We get complaints from angry lovers all the time that they think their significant other is cheating on them. We can’t, obviously, help them with their investigations as this would infringe on privacy laws. Besides, it’s none of our beeswax, honestly. However, we couldn’t help but notice that a lot of people are having problems not getting caught cheating, so here’s some advice if that includes you.

And next week stay tuned for tips on the flip side: “Are they cheating or are they just eating out a lot with pretty girls”

  1. Save your fling’s name under a fake name in your phone. Kitty is not only a kinky name, but she’s smoking hot too. If your girlfriend sees a name like that in your phone she’s bound to get suspicous. Save it under something more androgynous, like… Xavier!!
  2. Delete all sexy/flirty/kinky text messages from your phone as soon as you get them. If you don’t delete them right away you might forget and get caught, and that’s just stupid, don’t be dumb.
  3. Hang out with them in public. Rather than make your “friendship” a secret, use reverse psychology and hang out with all of your friends, and even your significant other. So totally effed up it’s HOT. But, this won’t work if the person you’re cheating with doesn’t know you’re in a relationshiop already, however, so use discretion.
  4. Do NOT add your fling on Facebook. If anything goes down they have the opportunity to put you on blast in front of all your friends. Do yourself a favor and block them before they stalk you.
  5. Use protection and take a shower before you hang out with your real boyfriend/girlfriend. There’s no reason to add insult to injury here, come on now.

Got something to say about this post? Let us know, community at onenightfriendfree dot com. Or let us know on our Facebook page.

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When Dates Go Bad - Top 5 Best Exit Strategies

Meeting more people in a smaller amount of time means that you’re going to have to get good at bailing when the date starts to go sour. Here’s some tips from onenightfriendfree to help you skedaddle so you can rush home and respond to the plethora of other hotties waiting to hook up.

  1. Fake pulling a muscle. Give yourself a self massage for a few minutes then politely apologize for the (seemingly) excruciating pain you’re going through and limp feebly toward the exit. Remember, the more twisted your facial expression is the more uncomfortable your date will feel, making them wish you’d left a little bit sooner.
  2. Fake like you’re getting a call from your neighbor about your dog being sick. “Fido WHAT????…. oh no….. really?? … OMG… well, yes I….. Okay…. diarrhea??….” Take a mental snapshot of your date as you say the word “diarrhea” really loud and drawn out. Then, make a scene and rush out muttering something about how you’d never forgive yourself is something happened to the only best friend you’ve ever had in the world. If you play your cards right you can “accidentally” forget to pay as well, saving yourself a few bucks. I’d save this for someone who is already being a complete jerk, otherwise you’re just being kinda mean.
  3. Fake being sick. If you’re good at role playing this can come off as totally legit, and will leave your date feeling sorry for you. They may even pay for your cab ride home. A little manipulative, at least this technique won’t hurt their feelings. This is a good option if you want to try to keep them as a friend!
  4. Have a friend call you, faking an emergency. The bad thing about this option is that it is SO overplayed. Your date is likely to know that you’re taking the easy way out, and what’s the point of that if you’re trying to keep them from knowing that you’re bailing? You might as well just say “I’m not into you” and walk out.
  5. Flat out say “I’m not into you, at all,” and saunter out. There’s nothing like confidence to make you feel sexy and alive. Maybe you can pick up a member of the wait staff as you exit, just don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

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