When Dates Go Bad - Top 5 Best Exit Strategies

Meeting more people in a smaller amount of time means that you’re going to have to get good at bailing when the date starts to go sour. Here’s some tips from onenightfriendfree to help you skedaddle so you can rush home and respond to the plethora of other hotties waiting to hook up.

  1. Fake pulling a muscle. Give yourself a self massage for a few minutes then politely apologize for the (seemingly) excruciating pain you’re going through and limp feebly toward the exit. Remember, the more twisted your facial expression is the more uncomfortable your date will feel, making them wish you’d left a little bit sooner.
  2. Fake like you’re getting a call from your neighbor about your dog being sick. “Fido WHAT????…. oh no….. really?? … OMG… well, yes I….. Okay…. diarrhea??….” Take a mental snapshot of your date as you say the word “diarrhea” really loud and drawn out. Then, make a scene and rush out muttering something about how you’d never forgive yourself is something happened to the only best friend you’ve ever had in the world. If you play your cards right you can “accidentally” forget to pay as well, saving yourself a few bucks. I’d save this for someone who is already being a complete jerk, otherwise you’re just being kinda mean.
  3. Fake being sick. If you’re good at role playing this can come off as totally legit, and will leave your date feeling sorry for you. They may even pay for your cab ride home. A little manipulative, at least this technique won’t hurt their feelings. This is a good option if you want to try to keep them as a friend!
  4. Have a friend call you, faking an emergency. The bad thing about this option is that it is SO overplayed. Your date is likely to know that you’re taking the easy way out, and what’s the point of that if you’re trying to keep them from knowing that you’re bailing? You might as well just say “I’m not into you” and walk out.
  5. Flat out say “I’m not into you, at all,” and saunter out. There’s nothing like confidence to make you feel sexy and alive. Maybe you can pick up a member of the wait staff as you exit, just don’t let the door hit you on the way out.

Dating Tips for Men: 5 Ways You Can Be Her Fabio

My guy friends complain all the time that girls just don’t respond to their messages, nudges or friend requests. If this is you, don’t get down on yourself, you’re not alone. Online Dating Newsletter says that

For every 20 emails you send out only one person will respond on average

So how to improve this ratio? Follow these 5 tips and you’re likely to see your response ratio spike.

  1. Post multiple profile pictures. If a girl visits your profile picture and she sees only one shot of you she’s likely to get bored and pass on the rest. Compile a variety of pictures that give the girls something to peruse through. This is likely the only time she’ll spend on your profile, let her get to know you through your photos.
  2. Don’t be too much, or too little, of anything. Be quirky, but not too quirky. Be confident, but not arrogant. Be nice, but not a “nice guy”. The point is that you want to show her your personality without scaring her off with your neurotic, self-indulgent tendencies. Be genuine without being over-the-top.
  3. Send her message. Don’t just nudge her, or add her as a friend as she’s likely to pass over this gesture quickly. Remember, girls get a lot of profile visits. It’s just the nature of the game. To impress her you have to stand apart from the rest. Send her a short message that let’s her get to know you and end the message with a question, so she has something to go off of when she responds.
  4. Post a picture of yourself with another girl (a cute girl). Psychology suggests that jealousy, although a terrible feeling to be plagued with, is a huge motivator. The girl viewing  your profile is likely to be influenced by the attractiveness of the other female in your picture which suggests that you’re a catch worth having. Give it a spin, let us know how it works out.
  5. Fill up your profile information, but don’t write essays about yourself. You might find yourself incredibly interesting, but she has to be sold. And trust me, it’s going to be a slow sell. As we mentioned above, there’s a lot of dudes competing with you and your proposed conquest has a lot of suitors to sort through. Be specific in your tastes, but don’t over talk yourself. BUT, follow this and the above tips and you’re likely to secure the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow in no time.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes.
-Team onenightfriendfree

Cheaters Never Prosper (unless they lie): the best of cheaters 2010

Obviously, common sense dictates that you shouldn’t be in a committed relationship if you don’t want to commit, duh! But we all know that that doesn’t stop people from committing relationship infidelity (yeah Brangelina, we’re talking to you).

If you can’t keep it in your pants (around someone other than your significant other), here’s our “best of cheaters” guide for all you sorry commitment phobes out there. (Or if you’re looking to meet people to rebound with or, I guess, to cheat on your partner with, check out the peeps on onenightfriendfree’s hookup site.)

The “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it” cheater.

(photo by capture-photography)

You probably shouldn’t tell on yourself, if you indeed really didn’t mean it. Of course, if you really didn’t mean it it’s a little confusing as to why you did it in the first place. I mean really, it’s like taking a dump in someone’s backyard and then regretting it later because your neighbor comes over, pounds on your door and demands you pick it up. Don’t waste your breathe spilling the beans, just don’t do it again. (Unless of course you may have contracted an STD which in that case you should go get tested).

The “I’ll never be faithful, it’s just not in me” cheater.

(photo by senigmaticx)

Hmm. And why are you in a relationship again?

The “I’m just too dark and emotional to be in a lasting relationship” cheater.

(photo by deadlynyappyromance)

Get some help, please. No one wants to have to save you from your suicide or put band aids on your cutting “boo boos”.  Get therapy, start excercising to boost those endorphins or watch a few episodes of the office to lighten your mood. Please.

The “I was drunk, oops, it was an accident” cheater.

(photo by roguengel)

If this was truly a one time lapse in judgement (which we’re all prone too every now and again) then keep it to yourself, no need to worry your mate over it. If you blacked out then make sure you get tested! If you find this happening a lot, perhaps you should consider laying off the booze for a little while to clean up your act.

The “She was too hot to pass up” cheater.

(photo by kohvitass)

So you’re saying you’re in a relationship because you couldn’t find anyone better to settle down with? Shame on you. You should cut ties and sow  your wild oats before settingling down with plain jane, she deserves someone who loves her for her cooking, or her character, or her knitting skills.

The “I just don’t give a flying f*ck about you” cheater.

(photo by nikki-narcissist)

There’s not much to say to this kind of cheater so we’ll address the cheated for this one:  If you’re dating this brand of cheater, RUN. You’re just barking up the wrong tree here, trying to turn water into wine, and we all know there was only one dude who could do that and his name was Jesus.

Where To Go On A First Date

(photo by saint-isabela)

So, you’re finally ready to meet the dude/gal you’ve been video chatting with, IRL, but where to go, what to do?

The worst thing you can do on a first date is go to dinner. Dinner is likely to take at least an hour and a half and it’s impossible to politely escape if it ends up being a total flop. Not only are you likely going to have to wait for a table (unless he’s taking you to a cheap-o place with no wait or he was thoughtful enough to make reservations), but she/he might order an appetizer which will add at least 20 minutes to the experience. And then, what if they order dessert?!

Keep the first date short and simple. Coffee is the best, lunch if you’re pretty sure that he/she is at least semi-normal (you really never know, it’s too easy to be uber anonymous on the internet).

It’s up to you, but remember, you can always go back for more if you haven’t had your fill of said hottie on date number one.

Top 10 Ways to Cure your New Year’s Hangover

It’s still 2009 and it’s your last chance to make those bad decisions before starting anew in 2010! Tonight you can drink without abandon, sleep with the wrong people, spill your red wine on your best friend’s Winston-Salem couch, throw up in your neighbor’s bathroom floor… etc. etc.

2010 is a brand new year, a chance for you to start fresh. You can finally be the you you always knew you could be. You’ll be on time, you’ll be the first to get your work projects completed, you’ll exercise every morning and lose that 15 pounds you haven’t been able to loose since your freshman year in college and maybe you’ll even become marriage material. How exciting!

But first, you’ll have to sooth your aching headache and upset tummy from the debaucherous and heinous 2009 New Year’s Eve activities.

(cartoon by raptorialtalon)

Top 10 Ways to Cure that Hangover and Start the 2010 New Year as the Person You Always Knew You Could Be

1. Drink Gatorade. I suggest buying this the night before so you don’t have to crawl to the liquor store the morning after your drinking. This is the best drink you can get because it will hydrate you, won’t make you feel nauseous and will replenish electrolytes (salts) in your body which aids the re-hydration process.

2. Take a nap. You probably woke up too early after going to bed at 5am. A heavy night of drinking can cause you to pass out, but as your body starts to sober up you may wake up before you’ve gotten the required amount of sleep needed for your brain to function correctly the next day. A nap will be sorely needed.

3. Hair of the Dog that Bit You. Sure it’s 10 o’clock in the morning but you’re sick; it’s okay to start your New Year off with a shot of Tequila to calm your stomach and your nerves, right? Sure it is. Just as long as you resolve not to continue drinking every morning… you are trying to straighten up and fly right this year remember.

4. Take a shower. You probably reek of alcohol and sweat, especially if you woke up next to a stranger. Do yourself and the rest of the world a favor and take a shower to freshen up.

5. Have some coffee. This will help you wake up and also give you the illusion of sobering up if you’re still half drunk from the night before.

6. Drink water. Duh. You’re hungover because you’re dehydrated. Gatorade is better to start with as it’s easier to stomach and doesn’t have the nauseating effects that water has first thing in the morning. But after the initial nausea fades water is your most important asset for getting through the day.

7. Eat some food. Heavy food like eggs and toast will help you fill your stomach and reduce queasiness. Make sure you hydrate with Gatorade first to reduce the nauseating effects you probably feel from all of last night’s drinks.

8. Take an advil. This works better than Tylenol, not sure why! Take it after you eat something to protect your fragile little tummy.

9. Eat some sugar. Because alcohol is largely made up of sugars you’re apt to be going through some withdrawals the next morning. The added sugar to your diet will help you feel stabilized and normal so you can function for the rest of the day.

10. Don’t drink again that night. While the tips above will provide short term relief chances are you won’t feel fully recovered until the next day, so don’t drink again right away and ruin your recovery. Besides, it’s officially the New Year and you’ve promised yourself to be successful, healthy and bright, right?

Here’s to you and a successful New Year! Go out and impress some people with the new you, you deserve it!

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